That's where you find yourself during the first two weeks with a newborn.
Having a baby is one of those things that nothing can prepare you for. Sure, everyone offers their expert advice...but once that baby has arrived in all of his/her screaming, gooey, glory, any advice that was previously given means nothing.
You knew your life would change, but you never quite grasped how much.
Your life now revolves around taking care of this tiny human, who is half you, half your partner, and 100% amazing. There is a huge learning curve to caring for a baby, yet most of what you need to know is biology...so you just sort of jump into action. It's actually pretty remarkable.
The emotions are off the charts. I thought my hormones were out of control when I was pregnant, but that was nothing compared to the cocktail of crazy bewing inside me now. These hormones are tied directly to my little creature. When I was pregnant, external things affected me the most...like happy or sad shows. Now, things involving Aria get the crazy going. For example, a few days ago we took her to the doctor for a clogged tear duct. We had to go to the pharmacy to get her prescription and the wait was very long. She hadn't eaten in while, so I knew her feeding time was coming up. She woke up and was hungry, but I couldn't do anything to help her because we were at CVS. After a few minutes of her crying out of hunger, I started to cry because I couldn't do anything for her. She was crying, I was crying, it was a mess.
We aren't sleeping all that much right now. It's impossible to sleep with a newborn because they have to eat every 2 - 3 hours. So even if you have a good sleeper, who would sleep through the night, it doesn't matter. You have to wake them up to feed. Aria is pretty good about being woken up. The problem is she never wants to go back to sleep. I swear, that baby could stay awake for 4 days in a row
Luckily I've had a little bit of training for this, without even realizing it. When I was in the Coast Guard I worked overnight from 6:30pm - 6:30am. So being functional when most of the world is asleep is not new. I'd much rather be sleeping soundly...especially when PJ is tucked in comfortably right next to me...and I haven't slept in 14 nights. But at least I've been there and done this overnight crap before.
For what it's worth, I also learned how to function on zero rest and a very cloudy brain, take 2 minute showers, and survive on eating only handfuls of gold fish, while in the CG. Who knew those 6 years were training me to take care of my child.
Now, having said that, there is no amount of training that can thoroughly prepare you for the level of insanity you will reach in the first 2 weeks of caring for your little creature.
Aria is currently experiencing her first growth spurt. The days are full of crying, eating every hour...which pretty much means she is stuck to my boob all day, almost double the dirty diapers, blowouts on every single onesie I put on her, peeing every time I take her diaper off to change it, crying, more eating, and absolutely no sleeping at night. Last night I was so tired that during the very short 2 hours that she slept (yes, 2 hours over the course of the entire night), I awoke realizing that she had peed on me. I accepted it, then I went back to sleep.
Don't judge me. You don't know what it's like.
Yesterday was my first day getting back to any form of working out. I wanted to assess the condition of my pelvic floor after delivering a baby...so I went on a combo fast walk/slow run. It did feel amazing to run, but my body made it clear that it still has some healing to do before I can get back out there, full speed. My pelvic floor is still weak from delivery. I experienced some discomfort and weakness in my pelvis while I was running, which is okay. I fully expected that. It wasn't too bad though. I think a few weeks of strengthening and I should be good to go.
Today I started my strengthening routine, while Aria napped. I'll be starting a post delivery body series of posts this week, where I'll talk more about training.
Happy Tuesday everyone. And get some sleep for me!