This is Bananas!

Tuesday, April 22, 2014
Thank god for that No Doubt song! Otherwise I would have no idea how to correctly spell bananas.

First things first. Daycare did not work out for us. I really loved the program Aria was in. I loved the teachers and the director and everything about it. Aria really took to everyone so wonderfully and always had a blast. What I didn't love was the price. Holy shit it is so expensive!!!

When we calculated the cost plus what I bring in, it seemed like we would have an okay surplus. What we didn't factor in was that my schedule is weird (not a typical 9-5) and that some of my responsibilities involve a decent amount of driving. (ie. the drive to work(s) or the traveling I do for the after school programs).

The first problem…my erratic schedule. There are some days when I work for 8 hours…and there are other days where I only work for 4. On the days where I only work a few hours, we still had to pay for the entire day of daycare. On those days I didn't even bring in enough to cover the cost for the day.

The second problem…germs! Aria has been sick since we started her in daycare back in February. She consistently has something. Just when she starts to get better, she gets something else. While I understand that this is building her immune system, the issue lies in the fact that she is getting sick from daycare. Yet, when she is sick, she cannot go to daycare that day. Which means, I'm home from work and were still paying for the day of daycare.

The third problem…the driving. We definitely didn't factor in the cost of gas into our equation. Usually that wouldnt' be a big deal…but I work a decent drive from home, plus one of my responsibilities is an after school program, which includes a lot of driving.

Basically all of the extra income is being eaten up.

We're working on a plan b, to make better of the situation. I love my jobs and I am very passionate about what I do. But the fact of the matter is for a little while, I am going to have to rearrange my time and cut back a little bit. Luckily we have some family who is going to step in a couple of times during the week. And I have a nanny for another weekday. The rest of what I do is going to be rerouted to the weekend, when my husband is home. It isn't ideal, but if I want to keep myself in the game, it has to be done that way right now.

Enough about that. Let's talk about training. Training is going well. I'm doing more strength training that usual and I'm noticing a big difference. There is more power in my runs. I'm loving it. I feel like I'm kicking ass right now.

I still haven't committed to any big deal races for the summer. My big deal stuff is all in the fall. I'm apprehensive about committing to something in the summer because I'm a huge chicken shit and I don't want to show up not ready.
I feel this intense amount of pressure (all coming from my subconscious obviously) to perform at some crazy, unimaginable level, my first race back.

It is possible that I may have built it up in my head a little bit.

If I can offer a piece of advice to you this Monday evening…beware of food related documentaries. I watched two last week that totally F-ed me up. I've seen some crazy shit in my 31 years…but this destroyed my soul. I didn't sleep for 2 days and I still can't stop thinking about it. I also haven't eaten one animal product since. I had never watched this subject matter before, because I always assumed that I was better off not knowing.

Turns out I was right.

It's time for me to get going now. I have a very sick little baby who needs a lot of extra snuggles.

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The Best Compliment

Tuesday, April 8, 2014
Yesterday I was training one of my little athletes and she gave me the most wonderful compliment…
In the form of a non compliment…

She has come a long way in the past month, going from not a runner, to running 2.5 miles, with great form…and the little beast is pretty fast too.
To change things up a little bit, I put together a speed and strength day for her. She started out loving it…then by the time we reached the end of the workout, during the last sprint, she gritted her teeth and growled "It's times like this I wish you were still on maternity leave".

And THAT'S how I know I'm doing my job.

Aria is almost 7 months old now. I can't even believe it. She's growing up so much and it feels good to say that a lot of things are falling into place.

Namely…Aria's night time practices.
Bed time was tricky for us. Mostly because I'm not comfortable with doing CIO. It just doesn't work for us. I'm not passing any judgement on anyone who does do it…it just isn't for us. So bed time has been a process. I've spent the past few months, since we started her routine, trying to make it as peaceful and positive as possible, in hopes that eventually things would fall into place. We've had a lot of trial and error, but also a lot of small sucesses. Our biggest success…she can now put herself to sleep!!!

How did this happen you ask? Well, she's just growing up. For the past 3 months we've done her bath, then a bottle, then some snuggles, stories and singing. She would always end up falling asleep while we were snuggling and singing. And every night I broke the cardinal rule, and would put her down while she was already asleep.

Bed time was so relaxing. Her falling asleep while we were so close and cuddly was so nice for both of us. No matter what kind of day we had, it always ended with this beautiful moment of peace before bed.

Eventually she started not falling asleep while we were singing and snuggling anymore. It was confusing for both of us. I wasn't sure if she needed more snuggles, or what was going on.

One night 2 weeks ago, I decided to try something. I did everything the same, we snuggled and sang, and then I put her down in her crib. I rubbed her back for a minute and then when she seemed calm and situated, I left. I watched her on the monitor and little miss smarty pants found her pacifier, put it in her mouth and went to sleep.

I danced. Hard.

This picture has absolutely nothing to do with this story…it just cracks me up how pissed she is.

I usually always wear her…but I thought it would be nice for her to ride around in the stroller during our errands. After the first stop she was all "Well this is crap." So we had to change things up.

Race season is fast approaching and I'm not ready! I mean, I'm ready…but I haven't had the time to train to perform at the level I was hoping this year. It's still early, I know. And Goonies never say die.

It's really tough to balance everything right now. Especially because I'm insane and I don't feel totally balanced unless I'm doing hours of fast physical activity a day.

I feel like there is a secret and I'm just completely missing out on it.

If someone has the secret…please! Give it to me!

I'm going to go eat some chicken now. And some kale.

Happy Tuesday.

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Holy Crap

Thursday, April 3, 2014
Hi everyone! It has been a while! I've been working hard to try to get into a good rhythm with being back at work and taking care of everything at home. The balance is tough to find! I'm guessing it's one of those things that takes time.
Or maybe it's all an illusion and the current circus of which I am the ring leader, is the new normal.

I like circuses. Well, except for all of the elephant shit that has to be cleaned up.

Anyway, last night was the worst night I've had in a LONG time...and it had absolutely nothing to so with a frequent waking tiny person.
I was reading the Wonder Weeks app during the evening, just  checking out what to expect for Aria's next leap. It isn't for about another month. One of the experiences she will have during this leap is that she will have nightmares. First of all…that's so sad. Second of all…reading that must have touched something in my brain because I had two awful nightmares last night!!!

I had not one, but TWO dreams that I died. In the first one I was in the wrong place at the wrong time and some sadistic man stabbed me in the head a bunch of times. Awesome.
Somehow it didn't kill me immediately. I had time to register the fact that I would never see my little girl grow up, and that I would never see my husband again. Then I started feeling different parts of my body fail. Finally my lungs started failing. It was long, slow and heartbreaking.

I woke up and it was 3:30 am.

I went back to sleep only to dream that I was in the pool training with a swim group and I got knocked on the head and everything went black. Then I was suddenly drowning.

I woke up and it was 5:00 am.

What the hell is going on???!!!!

I'm so rattled this morning! And I'm definitely a little leery of going to sleep tonight!

In an attempt to turn this around…here is a happy St. Patty's Day Aria.

Happy Thursday!

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